Some people refuse to settle for anything but butterflies.

I called my very close friend Matt (the first time that we met he suggested we had threesome, but I doubt he remembers this) on Friday night asking for support. He is wise, and he was the one who asked me one autumn evening last year: “Do you want to be with a person because he thrills you, he excites you, you miss being with him, you truly, genuinely love him, or do you want to be with somebody just because you are bored and you are lonely?” I love Matt (so much that I would not have threesome with him). I love him, but I play the game where I am his friend.

Some people get married because they are bored. I date because I am bored. I date people I am bored with because I think it’s less boring to be with someone, rather than be bored on my own. Don’t get me wrong, I love life and I do exciting things, there are things in this big bright world that still amuse me (and no, it’s not the infamous English weather, although it still does amuse me in a bad way). I date because I am bored yet I know I will never marry these people. Even a thought of marrying or spending your life with someone who I would be with just because I am bored is terrifying! And the thing is, I know so many people who got married (and/or are scared now to get divorced) because they were really bored and/or scared in the first place to be lonely or they were scared that no-one better would come along and as we all know “clocks are ticking away”…

I remember, back in 2007 I had this talk with Drew, we were in NYC back then trying to work things out between us and he said something horrible that made me look at him completely differently. He said, and I quote: “You should not dismiss a person just because you think someone better will come along.” Well, this is just another way of being scared to end up alone and ending up settling for what you have. I would rather be alone than live with someone I don’t necessarily love with all my heart. I’d rather be alone than settle for somebody just because I’m afraid no-one better will come into my life.

Is it bad to not wish to settle for comfort and look for something more?

Some people refuse to settle for anything but butterflies. In a long-term, if I am ever bored, I would rather be bored on my own. Than be with DB, who turned out to be such a dickhead.