Relationships. So real.

For the last couple of weeks I have been having some uncomfortable thoughts: I have been “seeing” this guy for nearly 2 months now (first encounter happened on the 27th May) and gradually it became obvious to both of us that we were more than just work friends, thrown in one pot to deal with one client, although, one pot here does not have a literate meaning, more so because I am living in the centre of the world (i.e. London) and he is living in the little closed country in the middle of Europe, that probably holds the cleanest laundered money in the world (and I am not even going to mention the basement vaults filled with Nazi gold and other treasures).

So, the story is, our meetings are short and intense and happen, literally on average 1 and a half times a month (for a few days, I give you that). We verbally rape Skype every single night and I don’t even know how he survives the next day at work, he is having on average 3 hours of sleep a night and then goes to work, and I am surprised this has not led to global financial crisis yet.

The bottom line is, with all our talks and discussions and laughs and jokes and sincere silences and glances thrown at each other, and hours and hours and hours of time devoted to thinking about one another, we still have not even kissed yet.

And until yesterday, I was wondering about this simple fact. The fact that once you kissed (and had sex) the relationship is somewhat sealed, you are, then, in a relationship, as if the little physical act proves more than time and money spent by one person on the other. What happened to the classical concept of courting? The sad thing is, this concept never even crossed my mind. I, scarily enough, find myself smirking while listening to the story of my colleague’s daughter (15 years old) who has “a boyfriend”, with whom she holds hands and goes to the zoo. Note the inverted commas, put here by me, as if I don’t believe that the concept of boyfriend and relationship could be applied to a teenager, most certainly in love (and oh, probably experiencing something far away and nearly forgotten by most of us, something called the first love!), just because the said teenager has not (I hope so!) consummated the relationship by simple act of sex… Simple and average for most of us, yet, think about it, merely a hundred years ago women had to wait till marriage to have it, and marriage sometimes happened in thirties for some unfortunate women. Imagine living till your thirties to have a taste of that unknown and scary act of sex.

My previous encounter with this untamed beast that is sex happened in March, and it was oh so wonderful. Just a mere weekend of sex with a man I barely knew, but with whom we had that “connection”. You know how it is, when you fit together like puzzle pieces, when you spend 24 hours a day kissing and cooking, and eating, and kissing, and hugging, and playing silly games, and kissing some more, our bodies coiled around each other like shoelaces. Yet we did not know each others’s middle names and favourite colours, favourite places to holiday and plans to travel, family stories and career ambitions. All we did was having wild fun and wild (sorry for being repetitive) sex, with wild withdrawal symptoms lasting for nearly two weeks after. Was that a relationship? Was I in a relationship? No, of course not, this is not even a funny question and cannot be used for a joke. I wish I were, but I was not. Although all of the required acts of consummation were done and immensely enjoyed.

So what does fill the gap between meeting a person you like and being in a relationship with him? The getting to know each other. The talks, the time spent together and time spent apart thinking about each other, discovery of common sense of humour and enjoying each other’s company without having sex. Because sometimes, you do have an unforgettable night talking to a man, compared to unforgettable night having sex with a man, with who you don’t have anything to say to each other before (hopefully, you are not that desperate!) or after (always a sad thing). Sex is not a bridge from being single to being in a relationship, although this truth is hard to prove in today’s world. I don’t say don’t have sex until the marriage, I say, why not wait a little bit longer? Because the getting to know each other and the wait will make you uninhabited with desire and you will end up having amazing sex in the end anyway, but with someone special.

I can imagine some people will wonder, and what if this person I like wants to have sex, like, immediately, on our second date, and not spend the night talking about rubbish like ambitions and dreams and the dog you had as a child? Then, go for it. But then again, does he just want to have sex with you, or be with you? They say truth never hurts the teller, but once you truthfully answer the question, then maybe you will be a little bit hurt.

On, and one other thing. You can completely disregard this article if you are free and single and actually enjoying it and doing whatever you desire. Most of us experience these periods and then I say once again, go for it! ;)

love.

They teach us not to break up by text message, or on facebook, or by email. But what to do when somebody you like, and maybe more than just like, says the L word for the first time in email? Do you say it back? Or do you hold back, because, really, email is not really a place to say it, even because you are not actually saying it by email, you are typing it, and you don't know when the person you are addressing it to will check his or her emails, and will read the crimson word.
It was even worser. I checked my emails on the phone. Just when I woke up. God, that was a punch.

Unsettling. Should I write back? What should I say? Should I joke? Should I even take it seriously?

Oh why, why did you do it by email?!